Sometimes it takes months or years for parents to truly connect with their adopted children. Beyond Adoptions strives to make this process easier on both parent and child.
People adopt for different reasons. Some adopt due to infertility. Some have big hearts and want to provide for a child, who, by no fault of their own, has no permanent family or home. Some know that there are millions of orphans and vulnerable children around the world and wish to provide for such a child. Whatever the reason, it is important to look at adoption realistically.
Bonding, even for biological parents, can be complex. Attachments simply can take time. Bonding with adopted children is similar. Some parents feel an immediate emotional connection, while others struggle for months or years. Just as biological parents may experience postpartum depression, adoptive parents can experience “post-adoption depression”. Sometimes this happens to parents when their expectations about the adoption experience aren’t met. These parents often report difficulty bonding with the child. So what happens that the bond between adoptive parents and children doesn’t form easily?
Adopted children come with their own baggage. They have trauma that exists due to their early history. They know loss, the feelings of insecurity and may carry a deep fear of rejection due to shame. Some develop various types of survival behaviors. Often times children survive these difficult environments by asserting aggressive and violent behaviors, and when they leave old environments behind, they have a hard time letting go of these behaviors and accepting that an adult would want to care for them.
Sometimes a child will develop attachment issues as a result of a lack of attachment with a primary caregiver early on in life. A lack of ability to attach can result from negative experiences in this early period. If young children feel repeatedly abandoned, isolated, powerless, or uncared for they will develop a belief that they can’t depend on others. A child who has not bonded early in life often has a harder time accepting love.
Sometimes these behaviors catch the adoptive parents off-guard and they have a hard time dealing with the behavior or finding a way that works for both parents and child. Seeking help and extra support can make a dramatic and positive change in both the parent’s and child’s lives.
Ten years ago, Becky Walker adopted a little girl from Russia. From the start, their relationship was very difficult. Determined to make the relationship work, Becky sought help from professionals such as therapists and counselors. It was a challenging experience and for a while both struggled, but with a deep desire to make it work, and with a lot of trial and error, Becky managed to find what works for them and create a bond.
After retiring from a 37-year career in the pharmaceutical and medical device industry, Becky decided to shift the focus in her life and become a life coach and help other adoptive parents. Realizing that many adoptive parents still do not have ready access to the support they need to get through the challenges that they face as the parents of an adopted child, and with the support of her daughter, Becky founded Beyond Adoptions.
Beyond Adoptions offers Parent-to-Parent™ coaching services, webinars and training programs that provide an opportunity to share the different strategies and nonviolent, compassionate communication techniques that are proven to reduce conflict and build the connection that assists with meeting the needs of adopted children that have not previously been met. Due to their own personal experiences, Beyond Adoptions strives to ease the path for other adoptive parents by providing empathetic support, encouragement and practical, effective strategies.
Beyond Adoptions offers face-to-face sessions, telephone sessions, as well as on-line group support sessions. Through support, parents can improve communication skills, reduce current conflict, and learn how to avoid future conflict. The goal at Beyond Adoptions is to help other parents connect with their adopted children and create loving and peaceful relationships.
Coaching can provide the tools needed to reduce conflict as well as provide real time support. It can also provide additional support to adoptive parents who are working day-to-day to implement the recommendations provided by the therapists or counselors working with their children or families.
Our Coaches have proven techniques for enhancing the connection with your adopted child. We have the tools needed and the understanding to help. Our professional staff is ready to talk now.